Dr. Bill Wester and Deacon Dave Shea collaborated on the following note after our meeting last week on Sex in the marriage, as God intended it:

One of the biggest challenges that we, as husbands, will face in our marriages is that of coming to the realization that a problem we are having in our marriage and in our relationship with our wives is beyond our ability to solve on our own; that we need outside professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist. This can be even more daunting when we believe that we need the help of a professional sex therapist.

Can you imagine how our wives would respond if we approached them with something like the following: “I think we have a serious sex problem; I think you have a serious sex problem and we just haven’t been able to deal with it on our own. We need to see a sex therapist.”

Instead, how about a softer less threatening approach where the problem is placed on our shoulders whether we think it’s there or not:

“Just the other Friday, the FATHERS’ Team had a speaker, a psychologist and sex therapist. He answered many of our questions and also indicated that some problems with sex and intimacy are best handled by a therapist. I believe that we have a problem and it concerns me a great deal because I see it hurting our relationship and our marriage. That frightens me. I think that we need this professional help and I really want you to help me and come with me to see a sex therapist. I’m afraid and I’m embarrassed and this is going to be tough, but I think we have to do it. And we can’t do it alone and I need your support. I want us to do this as a couple. I realize I’m asking a lot but I don’t think we can do this without you.”